Shanghai'd Thanksgiving

I originally wrote the following article in 2007 after a disastrous first Thanksgiving spent living abroad.  It was later published in an anthology titled Thanksgiving Tales: True Stories of the Holiday in America.

Three years into our expat assignment, I finally realized Thanksgiving is not about the food being served, it's about the people you spend the day with.   

Today we are back on U.S. soil, but still far from home.  I feel particularly grateful for the community we've cultivated over the past couple of years. In Sanskrit, the word Kula has several meanings: herd, flock, clan, tribe, family, habitat, gang, which when pared down all mean "community". Tomorrow, we will celebrate Thanksgiving with our Kula.  Fortunately for all involved, I am not responsible for cooking the turkey this year! 

SHANGHAI'D THANKSGIVING

It had been just three months since we boarded a plane bound for China, and transitioning to life in Shanghai was going much smoother than anticipated.  It wasn't until confronted with the impending arrival of Thanksgiving, a truly traditional American holiday, I realized just how far from home we were. 

For me, Thanksgiving meant spending the day with family, eating and eating and eating until it became imperative to change into pants with an elastic waistband.  I was determined to re-create that tradition with my own children, but in order to accomplish this, I first needed to find a turkey.  Without a turkey, Thanksgiving might as well be on a Tuesday in July.  It cannot be celebrated without a turkey.  Period.

In November in the United States, turkey is not only plentiful but cheap.  Many stores offer promotions, and if taken advantage of, the turkey is easily the least expensive item on the menu--not so in China.  Turkey, being indigenous to North and South America, are neither wild nor farmed in any part of Asia.  And although there are 19 million people in Shanghai, only a select group of expatriates want to eat them...and only once a year.  Therefore, the average 15-pound gobbler will set you back approximately $100 U.S. dollars.

In addition to the requisite turkey, the menu also included mashed potatoes and gravy, rolls, corn, fresh vegetables with dip, and Jell-O.  Despite the simplicity of the ingredients, finding them required scouring five different stores over three days and cost a small fortune.  But I did it!  I found everything I needed, including the myriad of spices to make brine, which was sure to be the one thing that brought the simple bill of fare to five-star restaurant status.



Thanksgiving Day, after consulting with both Betty Crocker and Butterball.com, I determined the bird would take approximately four hours to cook at a temperature of about 350 degrees.  I carefully converted Fahrenheit to Centrigrade and decided to set the oven at 170 degrees.

While the oven was warming, my husband pulled the bird from the brine, which had been soaking up the lovely, savory flavors overnight, only to discover the pan I'd purchased was too small.  It was like trying to squeeze a size ten foot into a strappy, little size seven shoe.  It just wasn't going to work. 

In my shopping excursions that week, I noticed some of the stores stocked with disposable pans.  I crossed my fingers as I ran on foot to the closest little market.  I was in luck.  Covered in dust and tucked away on a back shelf, they had just one.  I snatched it up and ran home.

We were now ready to throw the main course into the gas chamber, but the new pan was too big for the tiny oven.  After performing a little origami fused with some karate chops on the cheap aluminum, the pan fit.

With the turkey safely roasting, I took the kids to the park for the afternoon.  When I returned, I started peeling the potatoes.  By my estimation, the bird would be done in 30 minutes.  I opened the oven door to check its progress. NO FLAME.  At some point during the day, the gas had blown out and while the temperature in the oven dropped, the tension in the kitchen soared. 

We had no idea how long the turkey had not been roasting, and this particular bird had no plastic indicator to let us know when it was time to carve, so we did the next best thing and stuck a thermometer in it.  My husband punctured the breast and watched while the temperature gauge rose.

"According to Betty, the thermometer is supposed to go in the thigh," I informed him after consulting the red and white checkered cookbook.

"Where's the thigh?" he replied.

"I'm not exactly sure," I said, "but I know that's not it."

He left the thermometer in the breast and we watched as it climbed to 130 degrees Fahrenheit.  The kids were starting to moan and groan.  They were "staaaarving."  So I presented them with veggies and dip and we started to snack while we waited another estimated hour for the bird to reach a safe temperature to eat.

When the thermometer started to beep, indicating the turkey had reached temperature, I began to set the table.  While my husband whipped the mashed potatoes into creamy goodness and heated the corn, he snuck a bite of a dinner roll...and then promptly spit it out.  The rolls were filled with sweet cream and raisins.  We'd spent several hours the day before going from one bakery to the next in search of anything that resembled a dinner roll.  The little surprise inside of these was unexpected and unappreciated.

I remembered seeing a French baguette at the store earlier, so I put on my running shoes and sprinted there a second time.  Again, I felt very lucky.  No one else had purchased the single loaf of bread on the shelf.  I paid for it and raced back home.

Finally we were ready to eat.  The table was set, the candles were lit, and we said our prayers of thanksgiving.  Just as we were about to carve the turkey, in the the flicker of the candlelight, I noticed a lot of juice on the platter.  I jumped out of my seat and threw on the lights...BLOOD!  The entire ambiance was ruined as the bird was not even close to being edible.  Frustrated, my husband cut the gobbler wide open and put it back in the oven at 400 degrees Fahrenheit.  He sliced off a large piece of breast meat, nuked it,  and sat down to eat.  I fed the kids Jell-O while I waited for the turkey to finish roasting.  At 8 p.m., I opened the oven door to check on the bird.  NO FLAME!

After eight hours of failed attempts to roast the perfect turkey, I surrendered.  I put everything away, did the dishes, and bathed the kids.  Once they were safely tucked into bed, I broke out the Pop Tarts.

Happy Thanksgiving to me!

Our third Thanksgiving in China, there was not a turkey in sight, just great friends and lots of laughs.  I was wrong.  While eating turkey is a nice addition to the holiday, it is ultimately who you spend the day with that matters most---not what's on the menu.

The Power of Positive Thinking

As part of my 200 hour yoga teacher training, I was tasked with journaling 5 things I felt grateful for each day, over the course of 30 days.  From this assignment, I discovered that there is an amazing shift in paradigm that occurs quite quickly when asked to contemplate gratitude.  I gained a new found appreciation for perspective.

At the end of each day as I sat down to journal, I discovered the ability to turn a negative situation into a positive one.

"Saw a snake today--grateful it didn't chase me down and attack."

"Backed out of the garage with the passenger-side door open--although a bit askew, grateful it still closes."

"Sat in traffic today while an accident was being cleared--grateful to see both drivers outside of their vehicles uninjured.  Double grateful I reached my destination safely and without incident--even if I was a little late."

In all of these instances, I could have wallowed in the negative:

Seeing a snake created a fight or flight response.  Because of my fear of snakes, I chose flight.  I turned back and walked an additional mile in order to avoid crossing its path.  Fortunately it was a beautiful morning, I had no where else to be, and I needed the exercise. 

Crunching my car door may prove to be an expensive repair.  Fortunately, it is not a repair that is critical to being able to use the car.  The repair can wait--if I even have it repaired at all. 

And while being late usually induces anxiety, I used my yogi Dirga Breath to remain calm.  And when I finally did arrive at the doctor's office after sitting in traffic for the accident, I discovered she too was running a bit behind schedule.  My time spent sitting in the waiting room was significantly less than it would have been had I arrived on time. 

Three potentially negative situations; three positive perspectives.

Abraham Lincoln said, " We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses."  

I will admit I haven't always viewed the world from a rosy place of love and gratitude.  For most of my life, I had a "glass half-empty" soul.  I loved drama. I loved exaggeration.  I loved playing the victim.
  

"Woe is me...I had to walk an extra mile because there was a horrible reptilian creature blocking me from my path."
 
 "Woe is me...I cannot drive an ugly car.  We are going to have to fore go our family vacation to pay for the repair so my car can be pretty again."

"Woe is me...I had to sit in traffic, causing me to be late to my appointment, and no one was even injured."

My husband used to say, "You're not happy, unless you're miserable."  He was right.  And that is one more thing for which I am grateful.  I am grateful to have found yoga..not just as an exercise program, but as an entire mind-body experience.  Those words have since been shuttered from his vocabulary.  In the present moment, I have such peace and contentment--all because of a change in perspective.

So...when you're having a bad day, see if you can shift your perspective.  Try looking at the situation from a different angle, and see if you can find gratitude where before there might not have been any.

You'll be grateful you did!

Sanskrit Word of the Week: Prasaada: Grace through the eyes of a child.

I hate to lose.

While I'm sure most people don't enjoy finishing second or worse--last--I really, really despise it.  And, I'm really bad at it too...do not handle losing well.AT.ALL.

 In Sanskrit, the word PRASAADA means GRACE.

In English, GRACE means many different things depending on the context or situation.  It can mean:  elegance or beauty of form, courteous goodwill; or in Christianity, the free and unmerited favor of God.  In Sanskrit, PRASAADA, means the expression of a positive disposition to someone or something, which is also an English translation for the word GRACE.

Last Friday, started off with a two hour school delay, which resulted in me not being able to go to yoga.

Boohoo.

When I stepped on the scales, I weighed an additional 4 pounds; my indulgences in Dallas finding their way to my hips and thighs.

Boohoo.

The dog peed on the carpeting twice and pooped thrice, and the highlight of my day was mopping the floors and cleaning the inside of the refrigerator.

Boohoo.  Boohoo.  Boohoo.

While I could have been grateful that I slept an additional hour that morning or that the tortilla shells I ate in Texas were the best I've ever tasted, I wasn't. 

The day came and went and I had found very little to celebrate.

That evening, my youngest son played in his first basketball game. EVER.  If I had a million dollars to bet, I'd guess it was his teammates first time ever playing in a basketball game too.  Every time, his team had the ball, they would either in-bound it to the other team, pass it to the other team, or make a mistake which resulted in the other team gaining possession.  Every time the other team had the ball, they would shoot and score.
 

Too painful to watch, I occupied myself with Candy Crush Saga and Facebook status updates, from time to time sneaking a quick glimpse of the court.  His team lost by A LOT.  The exact number unknown because the scorekeeper quit posting the numbers once the game reached 15-0.

When the game was over, my son ran up to me, big smile on his face and exclaimed, "THAT WAS FUN!"

My heart broke as I realized my mistake.

While my son exemplified GRACE, I needed to ask for mercy.  Not only was I a poor sport, I barely paid attention to my son's first basketball game. EVER.

Boohoo...for real this time.

A weekend's worth of gratitude

On Thursday, we flew to Dallas, Texas to attend Taekwondo America’s annual National Tournament.  Teenage Mutant Ninja Son competed with his club’s demo team and also individually in forms and sparring as a Senior Blue belt.

• Grateful this busy weekend started with a great yoga session.

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• Despite a few mid-flight bumps, I am grateful we landed safely.

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• And despite having trouble understanding the GPS and getting lost multiple times leaving the DFW airport, we eventually found our way and arrived at the hotel without incident.

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• Because we were able to buy four seats to Dallas direct on American Airlines for the low, low price of $560, we opted to drive 2 ½ hours to the Raleigh airport instead of flying out of the much closer/more convenient Charlotte airport.  The decision to do this could have been a disaster given the fact we have never traveled to or flown from this airport before, but ultimately everything ran smoothly…right down to how polite the shuttle bus driver treated everyone on her route.   I am grateful for the ease of travel and the cost savings we achieved with this decision.

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• Grateful that when we checked our bags at the kiosk, our new American Airlines credit card had been activated thus waving the fees resulting in a savings of $100.

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• Grateful for the suggestion to go to the Perot Museum in downtown Dallas.  We would have loved more time to explore the amazing exhibits, but are grateful for the time we had…well worth the visit.

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• Numero Uno and Numero Dos were invited to tour the museum with the other TKD kids.  They had so much more fun with the group than they would have had with their dad and I.  It always feels good to be included.

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•  Despite the fact the demo team did not place in the top three, I could not have been prouder.  The team worked hard and gave their best performance to date.  Grateful to Mr. O’Regan for spearheading this venture and giving Teenage Mutant Ninja Son a place in this world to shine.

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• After the competition Master Dang took the demo team out for dinner.  It was after 10 p.m. CST, so we arranged for Teenage Mutant Ninja Son to go with the group while we stayed back at the hotel.  Very grateful to Master Dang and the other parents for keeping a watchful eye and transporting him safely to and from dinner.

Daily Dose of Gratitude...Three barking dogs and a snake, oh my!

 “You simply will not be the same person two months from now after consciously giving thanks each day for the abundance that exists in your life. And you will have set in motion an ancient spiritual law: the more you have and are grateful for, the more will be given you.” — Sarah Ban Breathnach

Yesterday, the rain gave way to sunshine and blue skies, so Archer and I decided to go for a walk.   

While walking I nearly stepped on a snake.  The snake measured approximately 12 inches in length and was no thicker than my pinky finger.  Normally terrified of snakes no matter how small, I actually felt sorry for this little guy.  He had been disturbed from his winter slumber by the construction of a new house being built.  He slithered groggily and I doubted he would survive the trek across the street.

As Archer and I continued on our journey we were met by two angry dogs protecting their side of the street and then a third joined the chorus of rabid barking.  Invisible to the naked eye, a fence protected us from their fury.  While the owners of the barking dogs never made an appearance to ensure their Cujoesque dogs were not making an appetizer out of my sweet puppy, another neighbor did show concern.  She could hear Archer’s terrified yappy barking, and despite her own fear of the dogs, she came outside to make sure we were not in need of stitches...or worse.

By the time we were done assuring the sweet neighbor lady that we were fine, the middle school bus had arrived.  We walked home with Teenage Mutant Son and had a nice, non-confrontational conversation...a lot to be grateful for in a thirty minute span of a single day! 

A Belated Daily Dose of Gratitude

 I have a teenage son.  He’s thirteen to be exact and a combination of belligerent, obnoxious, and omniscient, topped with a great big dollop of spoiled.  As an infant, I loved him too much.  As a child, I wanted too much for him.  As a pre-teen, I gave him too much and now as a teenager, he expects too much. 

On a good day, he arrives home from school happy, eager to see his mother and brother.  We don’t have many good days.  Monday was a little worse than typical.   And after a slightly worse than typical exchange of words and actions, I had trouble finding 5 things for which to be grateful.

After he stomped up the stairs to his room, he yelled back down to me,” CAN I SHAVE?”

“You’re asking for permission to shave?!?” I yelled back up to him.

“YES!  I wouldn’t want to do anything without asking for approval.”

Taking a deep breath…

“Yes.  You may shave,” I responded. 

The next morning while driving Teenage Mutant Son to school, I noticed his whiskered chin and stubbly face, and so I said, “I thought you were going to shave last night?”

“Yeah...well,” responding with a half-crooked smile, “I didn't have time.  I was too busy having a meltdown.”

I smiled.  I felt grateful that we could have a bad day but then get over it; that our anger and frustration with one another had a finite end.

And upon further reflection, I realized I am blessed in countless ways that I take for granted every day.   That even when I am having a bad day, I need to acknowledge:  I am never hungry, cold, without shelter or unclothed.

 

I realized I too am spoiled.  My yogic path is forcing me to examine myself and take stock in who I am versus who I want to be.  Who I want to be is someone who appreciates every day and what has been given to me, even if it is nothing more than the air I breathe.

 “Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.” – Buddha

Daily Dose of Gratitude

In yoga, we practice SANTOSA, which means contentment.  According to B.K.S. Iyengar, "Contentment has to be cultivated.  A mind that is not content, cannot concentrate."  The yogi feels the lack of nothing (does not want) and so he/she feels naturally content.  Contentment gives bliss.

 Fifteen years ago, my husband dragged me across the country kicking and screaming so he could continue his education at Arizona State University.  I am forever grateful to him for his foresight.  Since that time, life has been a giant roller coaster ride of adventure, with every curve just as exciting as the last.  It's easy to be grateful for the big, life-altering events.  The real challenge is finding gratitude in the mundane tasks of day to day life.

Today I am grateful for:

• Today I managed to get the Christmas decorations put away.  I know, I know, what was the hurry!?  Better late than never!  I love the feeling of productivity.
• The rain kept the contractor away.  I greatly/gratefully enjoyed the quietude today.
• I woke up at 2 a.m. with severe tummy pain.  I thought I was dying.  I'm glad I didn't.
• My husband will be home early today so I can go to a yoga weekend immersion.  I'm grateful to him for his support and understanding.
• So happy my son remembered to bring home his saxophone and music so I don't have to run up to the school and get it.

Daily Dose of Gratitude

In yoga, we practice SANTOSA, which means contentment.  According to B.K.S. Iyengar, "Contentment has to be cultivated.  A mind that is not content, cannot concentrate."  The yogi feels the lack of nothing (does not want) and so he/she feels naturally content.  Contentment gives bliss.

 Fifteen years ago, my husband dragged me across the country kicking and screaming so he could continue his education at Arizona State University.  I am forever grateful to him for his foresight.  Since that time, life has been a giant roller coaster ride of adventure, with every curve just as exciting as the last.  It's easy to be grateful for the big, life-altering events.  The real challenge is finding gratitude in the mundane tasks of day to day life.

Today I am grateful for:

• I am grateful that it was warm enough today to take puppy for a walk.  He is grateful too!
• I am grateful Lowes still had plenty of the clearance tile I wanted in stock.
• I am grateful I had enough strength to face my fear--the scale.  I did gain a couple of pounds last month, but I held myself accountable and for that I'm proud.  Now I just need to have the strength to stay away from macadamia chocolate chip cookies!
• School not being delayed today so I could make it to yoga. 
• Thankful I got online and read reviews for the tile I was about to buy.  Will be looking for different tile now!

Daily Dose of Gratitude

In yoga, we practice SANTOSA, which means contentment.  According to B.K.S. Iyengar, "Contentment has to be cultivated.  A mind that is not content, cannot concentrate."  The yogi feels the lack of nothing (does not want) and so he/she feels naturally content.  Contentment gives bliss.

 Fifteen years ago, my husband dragged me across the country kicking and screaming so he could continue his education at Arizona State University.  I am forever grateful to him for his foresight.  Since that time, life has been a giant roller coaster ride of adventure, with every curve just as exciting as the last.  It's easy to be grateful for the big, life-altering events.  The real challenge is finding gratitude in the mundane tasks of day to day life.

Today I am grateful for:

• Today is my husband's birthday.  Without this important event in history, I would not have met my best friend and partner.
• Despite the cold temperatures, the skies are blue and the sun is shining.
• I am grateful that I woke up in the middle of the night and realized it was only a bad dream.  It gave me an opportunity to tell my oldest son how much I love him this morning.
• I am grateful that I maintained enough self control this evening not to strangle that same son I love so much.
• Thank you to my youngest son who didn't want his ice cream!