Cracked

Last Friday, it was announced to the world that singer/songwriter Leonard Cohen had died.  One of the songs he was best known for is Hallelujah, which has been rearranged and re-recorded multiple times.  After he died, there was a quote by him floating around on various social media sites which said, “There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.”

After the results of last week’s presidential election, I felt more than a little “cracked.”  Devastated. Horrified. Gutted. Suffering with a complete loss of faith in humanity.  Each of these accurately describing my mental and emotional state prior to waking up Friday morning and finding this lovely quote on my Facebook feed.  

It’s amazing how the universe works—always sending the exact message I need—exactly when I need it. 

"There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in."

I would argue that the exact opposite may be true as well:  If light gets in through the cracks, it must also be released through the cracks.  Our light, our soul, shines from the inside out. If we feed it with positive affirmations, positive thoughts, and love, we will release love back into the universe. Without suffering, we can not know happiness.

It reminded me of the lotus flower and how it only blooms in the mud—it’s beauty in stark contrast to it’s surroundings.  Without the mud, there would be no lotus.  

So the next time you’re feeling a little “cracked”—just remember to let it go and let your light shine.

Change Your Perspective

Recently I attended a Kid’s Yoga Teacher Training at Asheville Yoga Center in Asheville, North Carolina.  A lot of topics were discussed over the course of the training, but one topic that continued to make an appearance in our conversations was about the pressure that children feel from being ever connected to the world of social media, how they believe they must respond immediately when their phone buzzes, and how as a whole, they spend most of their  daylight hours in front of a screen and less and less time outdoors.  JaneAnne Tager, led the discussions and emphasized the importance of using nature themes in our classes as a way for children to disconnect, leave the world of technology behind, and become more grounded using tools found in nature.  

One morning at the beginning of class, we were instructed to go on a short walk, find a leaf and bring it back to class.  I believe the point of the exercise was to help us get out of our heads and find a connection with the universe, returning to class more grounded than when we left. As I walked out the door of the studio, I imagined being on a treasure hunt, looking for the perfect leaf—the one that spoke to me; the one that calmed and soothed me.  Being early September in North Carolina, however, the temperature was still peaking in the eighties and nineties during the day.  The leaves had not yet started to change color and the only leaves on the ground were small and lifeless.  Feeling uninspired, I continued to walk further and further away from the studio.  I began to feel desperate.

“Finding a leaf should not be this difficult, I thought.  Why do you always make everything so complicated?  Just pick up a damn leaf and be done with it!”  And just as I was about to listen to that little voice inside my head, another voice spoke.  This one said, “Why are you only looking at the ground?  Look up!”  Obediently, I turned my gaze toward the sky and that’s when I saw it.

With it’s long, slender, bean-like fruit, I recognized it right away.  Magnificent in size and stature, it dwarfed all the trees around it, offering a canopy of protection with it’s abundance of large, over-sized leaves.  It was the exact same tree that stood in my front yard as a child!  

As I approached the tree, I noticed two shopping carts full of possessions parked under it’s shelter.  The owners were not home so I carefully proceeded to the tree and plucked a single leaf from a low hanging branch, being mindful not to disturb the refuge the tree provided for it’s occupants.

As I walked back to the classroom, I felt humbled.  I have not seen a tree like that since the day my dad had it removed, deeming it undesirable, along with all the mulberry trees that dropped their gifts in the yard staining our feet as we played in the grass.  What are the odds that just as I was about to give up on finding a leaf that I felt a personal connection to, that a Catalpa tree would appear before me?  

I was the last person to return to the classroom and felt a tad bit conscientious knowing all eyes were on me.  The room was silent except for an audible *gasp* that could be heard as I laid my elephantine leaf to rest alongside the treasures that everyone else had gathered on their journey. In the center of the space with our mats spread like spokes on a wheel, the flora and fauna resembled and offering on an alter.

I’ve been thinking about that moment a lot since it happened and wondering how much of my life I’ve spent looking at the ground, not making a connection with anyone or anything around me, when what I was looking for was right in front of me all along.

If you can’t find what you're looking for…CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE!  

At the beginning of the training, Jane Anne stated that one of the goals of the weekend was to help us become reacquainted with our inner child.   With each exercise, I found myself being transported back to my childhood, a time in my life that was filled with happy memories, uncomplicated and innocent.  While this was not intentional, I also do not think it was a coincidence.  I finished the training feeling more grounded than I have in several months and freshly inspired to be the best mom, wife, and yoga teacher I can be, to make a difference in the lives of children who may not have as happy a childhood as me, and to write.  This is the third of a three-part blog post.

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

Recently I attended a Kid’s Yoga Teacher Training at Asheville Yoga Center in Asheville, North Carolina.  A lot of topics were discussed over the course of the training, but one topic that continued to make an appearance in our conversations was about the pressure that children feel from being ever -connected to the world of social media, how they believe they must respond immediately when their phones buzz, and how as a whole, they spend most of their  daylight hours in front of a screen and less and less time outdoors.  JaneAnne Tager, led the discussions and emphasized the importance of using nature themes in our classes as a way for children to disconnect, leave the world of technology at the door, and become more grounded using tools found in mother nature.  

At the end of day one, we came back to our mats in their circular formation, set up perfectly for sharing thoughts, ideas, and memories.  JaneAnne closed out the day by asking the group to share what their favorite season is and why.  

Without hesitation, I knew the answer to this question, but this time I didn’t share out loud.  This time, we didn’t go around the circle one by one.  People voluntarily spoke at will and by the time the umpteenth person described the beauty of the changing leaves and the crispness of the air, I figured they’d pretty much covered it.

But just thinking about this season transported me back to 404 W. Exchange Street, my childhood home with it’s large picture windows and wrap around porch.  The sounds, the sights, and the smells still strong in my mind.  The crunch of leaves on the ground, the scraping of the metal rake as it crossed the sidewalk escorting the leaves on their journey from yard to driveway, the whoosh of the leaves as they flew through the air before safely joining their brothers and sisters on the mountain of foliage my dad had painstakingly raked all afternoon.  And then laughter, I can hear laughter as we ran and jumped into the big pile of leaves.  My dad would rake them up again, and again we would run and dive into the sea of leaves.  Thud.  They always looked so inviting, so much fluffier than they actually were and I still remember feeling shocked and surprised upon landing.  I expected to land on mattress soft, but instead landed on packed dirt hard.

This was the way it was every year.  He’d rake, we’d play and then he’d burn, standing guardian over the flames until there was nothing but a few ashes left.  For a few short weeks every fall, the smell of smoke would waft throughout the tiny town where I grew up, unceremoniously marking the end of fall.

In Michigan snow was inevitable.  The only question each year was whether or not we’d be wearing boots and coats over our Halloween costumes.

Crisp air, colorful leaves, hayrides, carving pumpkins, warm sweaters, and sap buckets hanging from tree to tree round out my childhood memories of my favorite season every year.  

FALL.  

The most wonderful time of the year! 

At the beginning of the training, JaneAnne stated that one of the goals of the weekend was to help us become reacquainted with our inner child.   With each exercise, I found myself being transported back to my childhood, a time in my life that was filled with happy memories, uncomplicated and innocent.  While this was not intentional, I also do not think it was a coincidence.  I finished the training feeling more grounded than I have in several months and freshly inspired to be the best mom, wife, and yoga teacher I can be, to make a difference in the lives of children who may not have as happy a childhood as me, and to write.  This is the second blog post of a three-part series.

Two bucks a day

Recently I attended Kid’s Yoga Teacher Training at Asheville Yoga Center in Asheville, North Carolina.  A lot of topics were discussed over the course of the training, but one topic that continued to make an appearance in our conversations was about the pressure that children feel from being ever connected to the world of social media, how they believe they must respond immediately when their phone buzzes, and how as a whole, they spend most of their daylight hours in front of a screen and less and less time outdoors.  JaneAnne Tager, led the discussions and emphasized the importance of using nature themes in our classes as a way for children to disconnect, leave technology at the door, and become more grounded using tools found in mother nature. 

We began the four day training in typical fashion with an ice breaker activity, going around the room making introductions.  But after stating our name and where we were from, the information we were asked to share was a bit more atypical.  We were asked to recount a “memorable time in nature” and then state one word to describe the event.

As a side note:  I struggle with any activity where I feel pressure to speak in front of a large group of people.  When I’ve never met the people, the stress is even greater.   I often spend the entire time trying to think of something clever to say for the inevitable moment when the baton will be passed to me, which leaves me unable to listen to what is being said by the other participants.  And while this activity was no different in terms of what it was trying to accomplish, this time I knew immediately and without hesitation what “memorable event in nature” I would be able to share with the group.

People described canoeing on lazy rivers, hiking in exotic places, the delicious reward of mushroom hunting, experiencing a herd of migrating caribou in the Alaskan wilderness and climbing Half-Dome.  They used words like:  calm, majestic, humble, and serene to illustrate their experiences.

When it was my turn, I recalled an event from my childhood.  I was eight years old when my grandparents took me with them on their annual fishing trip to Canada.

One afternoon, midway through the week, we were out on the river in our small, fiberglass boat. Without warning, the skies turned black as storm clouds rolled in.  Lightening began to crackle and flash and rain poured down on us filling the boat.  My grandfather worked furiously to start the engine, but received nothing but silence for his efforts.

This man, who I absolutely adored, had a really bad two buck a day habit. He believed that $2 worth of gas would still get him just as far in the 1970’s, as it did in the sixties, as it did in the fifties.  He ended up walking a lot.  But on this particular day he was not on dry land and my grandmother became hysterical under the circumstances.

On board, he had an oar…not a paddle, an oar—for a row boat.  But since we were not in a row boat, he used the oar to paddle the boat like a canoe.  Only we weren’t in a canoe.  We were in a boat much wider than a canoe. So he had to stand.  He paddled furiously on one side and then switched to the other side, making progress in inches.  
  

We were not close to shore.  His hysterical wife frantically bailed water from the boat using an old coffee can, that had once held the worms all while his grand-daughter sobbed.  And somehow, paddling, paddling, paddling he managed to get us safely to shore.  

We were back out on the river the next day, probably with another $2 worth of gas in the tank.

Nature and me—me and nature.  We have a tenuous relationship at best.

My name is FAWN and my word is FEAR.

At the beginning of the training, JaneAnne stated that one of the goals of the weekend was to help us become reacquainted with our inner child.   With each exercise, I found myself being transported back to my childhood, a time in my life that was filled with happy memories, uncomplicated and innocent.  While this was not intentional, I also do not think it was a coincidence.  I finished the training feeling more grounded than I have in several months and freshly inspired to be the best mom, wife, and yoga teacher I can be, to make a difference in the lives of children who may not have as happy a childhood as me, and to write.  This is the first blog post of a three-part series.

Kid's Yoga, M&M's and the politics of respect.

WARNING:  This post is a teensy bit political.  It contains my opinion on respecting each other and to quote Donald Trump, how to “Make America Great Again.”  P.S. It has nothing to do with building walls.

So how can a post about kid’s yoga and M&M’s be political?  In today’s world, anything can be twisted into something political, like the very word itself.  According to dictionary.com, “political” is an adjective with six different definitions.  Each definition has a unifying commonality of or pertaining to the word “government”.  Over the years, the meaning of the word “political” has shape shifted.  Rather than being by the people, for the people, and of the people, it has slithered into darkness, something to be reviled—lumping politicians into a stereotype of dishonesty and corruption.

Ask ten different kids what they believe the best M&M candy color is and you are certain to receive several different responses:  red, yellow, blue, brown—light or dark—it doesn’t matter.  (Keep in mind that regardless of color, they all taste the same.)  Then when they are feeling quite confident and happy with their answer, tell them they are all wrong.  Their color of choice is not the best color, because your favorite color is green and therefore, green is the best color.  Then take it a step further and tell them that because they don’t believe the same way as you, you can no longer be friends.  In fact, you are now enemies.  Watch their innocent faces contort into confusion and sadness.

See what I did there?  I used a sweet little anecdote about M&M’s, a classic American candy, to illustrate how silly it is to hate someone for simply having a different belief.  Yes…it is that simple.  Regardless if the topic is religion, political party affiliation, gun control, health care, or M&M’s, spewing hatred toward someone because they believe differently is SILLY—a term even a child understands.

I believe it is imperative people be allowed to voice their opinions, even when I don’t share their view, but I also believe it is imperative to conduct oneself in a respectful and civilized manner, and therefore I recently and for the first time, “unfriended” a FB friend for the following (unedited) post:  

“Ok I have been quiet long enough. I can no longer sit here and listen to this garbage about Syria and these refugees. Listen to the crap about ISIS. Here is the real deal. We no longer can trust any of them...not one. That sounds harsh but I don't care. If they come here again and pull an attack I promise you WE THE PEOPLE will hunt them down ourselves. Our worthless, peace of shit, coward, terrorist president is doing nothing but we will. To all you liberal pieces of shit I have an idea.... Go over there with all your huggy bullshit and live among these animals for awhile see if changes your views. It's so easy to sit on your couch and give love and crap to these animals you know nothing about. The days of these liberal views and this so called President are numbered. Than maybe we can get back to being the proud and powerful nation we once were. And before all you ass hat liberal democrats respond on here to this don't bother. Everyone is sick of your bullshit and no ones listening. I and millions of others fought on foreign dirt for this country and by God we will do it again on this dirt. So in closing.....STAND UP AMERICANS TAKE BACK OUR COUNTRY AND PURGE THIS SICKNESS KNOWN AS LIBERAL DEMOCRATS!!!! GOD BLESS THE USA🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸”

I did not take “unfriending” this person lightly.  We were baptized in the same church, studied from the same Catechism, and took communion together throughout our young adulthood. 

Am I a hypocrite for clicking the “unfriend” button?  After all, I had just stated that I believe people are entitled to their opinions and that just because someone does not share my world view does not mean they should be my enemy.  In eighth grade Civics class we learned about Freedom of Speech and the other 9 amendments to the Constitution that make up the Bill of Rights.  We were also taught that those rights we as American citizens share, do not extend to infinity, but only to the point where they begin to impede on our neighbors rights.  I felt violated by this post.  It contained so much hate and venom that I believed if I had remained “friends” with the author, I would be submissively guilty of condoning the words within.  

So how do we make America great again?  Like Whitney Houston, sang, “The children are our future.  Teach them well and let them lead the way.”  Teach them to love and respect themselves and their peers, regardless of skin color, religious affiliation or M&M color preference.  And for goodness sakes, teach them to not refer to the person who holds the highest office in the land as a “worthless, piece of shit, coward, terrorist,”  because that’s not going to get it done.

I am not a person of power.  I do not have a large audience or celebrity status.  I am a wife and a mother, a sister and a daughter, a friend, a neighbor and a yoga instructor.  I am limited in my ability to defend against those that believe it is okay to spread hatred and bigotry, so I will continue to slowly spread my message of love and goodwill toward one another…one breath at a time.

And if you’d like to share some M&M’s, I’ll even let you have the best color…GREEN!